I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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