My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Ketchup is God's man juice
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
