Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
