Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
