Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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