when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
