btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
