Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
