I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
