I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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