i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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