Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
