dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
