I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
