On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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