how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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