When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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