in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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