Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Come share oat with me in your robe
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
