is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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