is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
