He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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