Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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