I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
