Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
