wanna go halves on a baby?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
