I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
