where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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