I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
