i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
