You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
