My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
