Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
