How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
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