Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
