She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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