no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
