I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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