also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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