I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
