This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
