you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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