you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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