haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
