Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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