I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
