my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
