When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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