You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
a search helicopter?!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
