you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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