I wish I could teleport
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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