Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
