I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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