make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
