I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
