Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
