glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
