if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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