I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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